“Personality,” being the illusion of separateness, is the root cause of all selfishness and evil. It has to be conquered and crushed before the lower is united with its higher counterpart.”
Dr. Nikolai Ivanovich Pirogov (1810–81) was a popular, skilled Russian surgeon also famous for his agnosticism, some called it atheism. Yet he was secretly anything but …
His posthumously published work entitled in Russian: Voprosi zhizni. Dnevnik starago vracha, i.e., Life’s Problems. The Diary of an Old Physician revealed a deep mystic understanding, as reported by H.P. Blavatsky in her paper, THE THEOSOPHY OF NIKOLAI IVANOVICH PIROGOV, free epub. Google Play Books, from which the above excerpt is taken.
Mystical Experiences of Reality 
In my mystical experiences of Reality I didn’t notice at the time but ‘I’ recalled since how ‘I’ was mainly absent, then even that disappeared altogether in my later annual experiences.
There was no ‘me’, no personality, body, brain or mind, no ability to smell, feel physically, speak, think, hear. Even what very little my eyes saw was meaningless, and finally inconsequential, nothingness.
Then in one of my last experiences in my thirties ‘I’ seemed a distant observer of ‘my’ separate, very still disconnected back looking forward into an endless misty abyss of nothingness.
Strangely, the scene was very benign, unthreatening. The disconnected watcher/observer seemed to be all that was left of ‘me’.
There are no words to describe that observer or even know if it had any biological existence. It just was. All Was Well.
Keith.
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